How to Make a Negative Into a Positive

Comment

Comment by Sam Norwich on April 1, 2010 at 11:10am

Thanks for the encouraging words and advice

Comment by Jay Larson on April 1, 2010 at 10:02am

Thanks for writing Sam and sorry for the tough times.

Can FISH! really help when times are really tough?

Short answer…yes. It would be really easy to give a coy answer here and say, “Buck up there buddy and just choose your attitude”. However true you think that statement is, it goes over like a lead balloon (thud!) and it’s not going to help anyone. So can we apply FISH! in these tough situations?

Given that FISH! is a philosophy, I don’t think the question is really “can” you apply it. Of course you can. It is a choice to apply the FISH! practices to your life. I think the real question is “how”? When life throws you a screwball, like it did Sam, how can you apply FISH!?

We’ll get practical in a moment, but before we go there I think it’s wise to make a couple of points:
1. FISH! isn’t going to fix this type of situation.
In fact, FISH! doesn’t “fix” anything, it’s a philosophy that can be applied by humans, to life. The key word here is “applied”. Nothing will change or improve if you are not an active participant in the change. Just reading, viewing or knowing the philosophy doesn’t help, you have to practice the practices of FISH!. That means creating new habits and approaching your circumstances in a new way. That takes commitment and effort – two very important words we don’t really like to hear.

2. Set appropriate expectations
Life can throw some pretty nasty stuff at us. We have a co-worker whose husband is struggling with cancer right now and another who just lost her sister. There are people we all know who have lost jobs or have seen reduced income. But FISH! is “fun” right? To expect these folks to just stop, laugh and be happy is a bit unrealistic. As I hope you see in the following sections, FISH! looks a bit different when applied in these situations.

So let’s dive in (pun entirely intended) and take a look at the four practices one-by-one.

Be There - “Be physically and emotionally present for people, especially when they need you.”
When those around us are struggling with major life events one of the best things we can do for them is to be emotionally present. What I mean by that is discover what they need or want, listen to them without thinking about solutions, or “fixing” things – just be there.

Sometimes it is just a physical being there – they just don’t want to be alone. And often it can be a meal or a ride. For example, our co-worker needed to get her husband to radiation therapy for a couple hours every morning. If she needed to do this herself, there is no way she’s getting her work done. So, we are all pitching in by skipping lunch, working late and taking turns getting him to his appointments.

Sam, it sounds like you have a family. What do they need from you? How can you be present for them?

Play – “Tap into your natural creativity. Be childlike without being childish.”
In this situation, practicing “PLAY” seems a bit odd to a lot of people, because play is often confused with goofing around or down-time. However, Play is really about being creative and approaching life with a sense of wonder. It can be as simple as approaching a routine situation in a new way.

What Sam is speaking of above is pretty common these days, but I wouldn’t call it “routine”. It can be a bit of a shock. It is very easy in these situations to give in to fear and focus on the down side. And yet, now that you have a new level of benefits or a new level of pay, it simply creates a new normal. Being creative and childlike (not childish) in this situation might be, “okay, it is what it is…now what?” Discover the options - believe it or not…that’s Play.

Make Their Day – “Find special ways to connect with everyone you encounter, for no other reason than
to brighten their day.”
This one is quite simple, but counter-intuitive. As I said before, when life gets really hard it is very typical/natural to focus on what is going wrong. We can easily fall into the, “What about me?” rut. Our self-value is challenged and this can lead to all sorts of negative things. But that’s not what we want.

The best way to break that sort of cycle is to get out there and give, serve and help others. When you focus on the needs of others, instead of your own navel, you see that the world didn’t stop turning because of your circumstance. You may notice that the needs of others outweigh your own and that you actually have it pretty good!

If you have a reduction in benefits, at least you still have a steady income…some don’t.
If you don’t have a job, at least you live in a country that will look after you…many don’t.

Choose Your Attitude – “No matter the situation, take responsibility for consciously choosing how you
want to show up in the world.”
All four practices have to balance one another, but in my opinion, this practice of consciously choosing your attitude is the most powerful. Again, a common misconception is that Choose Your Attitude means Choose a Positive Attitude. Not that it would be a bad thing, but the practice of choosing is more basic than that.

The very basic, yet powerful, question to be answered here is…What do you want? If you want to let everyone know that you are focused on yourself and you feel your life is horrible, choose to stay in “What about me?” or “Poor me.” But, is that what you want? See the definition again. You can choose whatever you want, no matter the situation.

That doesn’t mean that the world is going to get easier or that because you say, “I choose happy”, that you’ll instantly be happy. It is a practice. That means you must do it over and over and over again in order to get better at it. There’s that commitment and effort thing again!

The situation that Sam is facing is all too common these days. Organizations have to make some pretty tough decisions for survival. When circumstances are tough, we get a chance to find out what we’re made of – what we truly value and believe. So, are your choices getting you what you want? Are you showing up the way you want to, or the way you think you have to? They are YOUR choices and, consequently, YOUR results.

Own it. And if you don’t like it…practice something different.

Comment by Diann Kelly Park on March 17, 2010 at 3:41pm

To use a FISH! cliche' -- Choose Your Attitude. It's not easy losing your health insurance -- that's a reality but you said it --- you still have your job. If your family is not already super-healthy this loss could really put that motivation into your daily life -- stay as healthy as possible as long as possible. When you do see your doctor and he wants to prescribe something ask him/her if you could have as many sample packs as your script calls for. Hang in there and keep breathing!